How To Live A Balanced Life

 Some of my clients imagine me living a super balanced life with a morning routine of perfection- waking up and meditating every morning on the back patio overlooking my serene Japanese zen-garden, writing in perfect calligraphy with a fountain pen in a neat journal, going to the gym and lifting heavy weights, having an super healthy meal .
 I then relax into a comfortable chair in an office that looks straight out of a high end European catalog, take a sip of my freshly brewed coffee and starting off my first client calls in the morning with my mind calm and ready.
A perfect recovery coach with no urges, ten years of sobriety under his belt, ready to help some folks live a perfect life- free of porn.

LOL.
I wish.
The truth is that most mornings, I have to drag myself out of bed and glare angrily at my journal. Then I sit to meditate and sometimes my mind just runs around or the entire meditation period.
I go to the gym sometimes after second guessing myself a few times. Sometimes, on the way back from the gym, I just want to stop at the gas station and wolf down 5 or 16 chocolate glazed donuts.
My friends and family call and leave voicemails- I’m an introvert and sometimes I just don’t want to call them back and chat.
I get intense sexual urges as well at the most random times.
But…
I ALWAYS follow through on the right decision- no matter how hard it gets.
The reason why is because over the years, I’ve learned that living a balanced life takes effort and that effort keeps be RECOVERED and off pornography.

Recovery is more than just staying away from addictive behaviors. Its also about rebuilding it to a point where it is better than what it currently is.

This is done by rebuilding the 5 aspects of you life, which are:

physical, mental, emotional, social and spiritual.

These five areas of life are not only important for maintaining a healthy and balanced life, but are also crucial to recovery from porn, or excessive masturbation.

Mental:

The mental or cognitive aspect of our life comprises our ability to think and reason. It consists of our thoughts, beliefs and values. The mental aspect is the foundation on which recovery is built. When you live a life where watching pornography and masturbating are constants, you hijack your mind with your new drug (dopamine) and this distorts your thinking capability.
Thinking becomes irrational and choices become limited. Add to this values which become out of sync with reality, and you begin to see the terrible personal, spiritual, social and legal problems that your addiction causes.During recovery, you are taught numerous ways of rebuilding the area of your mind. One way this is done is by challenging your distorted thinking patterns and beliefs while making continuous reality checks. As our minds become clearer, you become stronger and can better understand that your porn and masturbation addiction cannot define who you are as an individual and that you have the inner capacity to adopt new and healthier ways of looking at the world.

Physical:

The physical part of your life -which includes your brain is usually the next casualty. When pornography becomes a regular part of you life, it becomes dominated by triggers and cravings.

Balancing your physical health involves learning how to take back good health and maintain stability in your life through physical care. Physical exercise is important to recovery and when you get into the habit of exercising, you begin to feel how much it energizes you in ways you never imagined.

For some people- like myself and Diana, exercise is an absolutely integral part of balancing our lives.

Emotional:

The emotional area of our life is about feeling and experiencing life in deep ways. This is the part of us that seeks meaningful contact with others. When you live a life without control over your porn use, the truth becomes lost or blurred as lies and false justifications are made.
Porn addiction requires some form of deception. This means that you have to lie to maintain your addiction. Whenever you try to quit and find yourself relapsing- notice that it always begins with some form of dishonesty and self deceptionSo how do we experience life more deeply? This starts with transformation.

A complete change in character.

When our values and attitudes change, we change and by changing, we build up an emotional part of you which strengthens and transforms us.

Social:

The social aspect consists of activities which promote wellness within three ares of your life:

– family
-career
-financial
We are all social creatures who need the comfort and support of healthy relationships with other people before we can feel truly good about ourselves.
When we get caught up in porn addiction and similar addictive behavior, we become part of an addictive culture which unfortunately builds a foundation on shared addictive behavior.
Recovery is about building new caring relationships which are positive, support us staying off porn and enhances our well-being.
There is another part of the social aspect which – the career and financial aspect. Career, meaningful work and financial security support your recovery. The reason why is that when all the other domains have collapsed due to your addictive behavior, being in a good place financially allows you to build them up. You are able to perhaps afford to attend a spiritual retreat, join a gym, or engage in social or recreational activities.Spiritual:

This aspect is incredibly important. It answers the question “Who am I and why am I here?”. This doesn’t have to be a religion or something you read in a book.(if it is, that is fine as well.) It is something that gives us the sense that we are a part of something greater than us.
There is no doubt about it- when addicted to porn, we lose our purpose in life. We lose our moral compass and this eventually run us off the right path and into a ditch.Rebuilding this are of your life helps you discover an INNER path. Sometimes it begins by simply performing acts of kindness because the response from acts of kindness alone make you feel good internally.

Spirituality provides hope, comfort and support during your most trying times. It can literally transform your moments of isolation and self-pity into peace.

I want to help you make sense of your life again. I believe you can regain balance in all five aspects of your life. We are all deserving of a happy life.

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