How many years have you set goals and and failed to achieve them?
If I could show you a few ways to rock 2017 and experience a DEFINITE improvement in your life, are you interested enough to actually try them?
I made my first serious list of “resolutions” as a man on January 2004. I never accomplished more than one thing on the list till 2013.
That’s 9 years of not hitting my goals.
Fortunately, I DID learn a thing or two during those years and I’m going to share 17 of them with you today- because its 2017 AND because I KNOW for a fact that you will probably only use a few of them.
What I’m sharing below has helped me:
2015-Sell my shares in my sales training business for a low six figures
2017( last week)- Complete my education to become a therapist
2013-Present: Stay genuinely happy and content while facing some of the most traumatic years of my adult life.
2016-Purchase two homes internationally ( might come in handy if this country becomes a shithole in the next few years)
2014-Build the business of my dreams- a business which blends seamlessly with my life.
Most of what I’m going to share here is NOT NORMAL. Its not “mainstream” advice. If you don’t like it, or it rubs you the wrong way, you are more than welcome to leave the site, or better still- unsubscribe.
The truth is, many of you who read this will fuck 2017 up. Less than 10% of those that read this will crush their year. This article of for that 10%
- 1) Fail:
- 2) Let go of your past:
- 3) Make Happiness Your Priority in 2017:
- 4) Quit seeking approval:
- 5) Stop Self Destructive Behavior:
- 6) Overcome your fear of Failure:
- 7) Quit Being a Victim:
- 8) Master your emotions:
- 9) Overcome Anxiety:
- 10) Make self discipline a priority:
- 11) Accept the things you cannot change:
- 12) Become Entitled:
- 13) Handle your Depression:
- 14) Stop being Lazy:
- 15) Go into recovery for porn or sex addiction:
- 16) Stop Getting “Motivated” and forget about your “Purpose”:
- 17) No one is coming:
Everything worth achieving in life is about failure. Not just any sort of failure, but massive failure. There is nothing you will accomplish in 2017 that is not rife with failure and that won’t have you falling on your face hundreds of times.
No one gives a shit about what you were good at in the past. No one cares about your “glory days” and everyone hates an “expert” whose was only an expert years in the past.
Embrace failure. It is a REQUIREMENT for success.
2) Let go of your past:
Just because something happened in your past and had a strong influence on your life, doesn’t mean it has to still dictate your feelings and actions today.
Believing this crap is detrimental for several reasons.
– Being influenced by the past stops you from looking for solutions
– You will keep generalizing in your life. Just because your father was mean to you as a child doesn’t mean that ALL authority figures are like that. Just because you were bullied in school by the “cool guys” doesn’t mean that all “cool guys” you see now are “douchebags”
– You’ll keep applying expired behaviors to current situations. For instance, if as a child you didn’t get you way, you threw a tantrum and sulked to get your way with your parents. Now, as a grown ass man, when you don’t get your way with your partner, you sulk and give her the cold shoulder, or lose your temper.
How do you fix this?
– Acknowledge your past mistakes, but don’t beat yourself up for them.Develop the habit of questioning your behavior-WHY do you do certain things.
– Accept the fact the your present is your past of tomorrow. The worst thing your past can be is a handicap. It can never be crippling.
– Most people will not do this, but actually spend time visualizing rough situations from your past and literally rehearse different way you could have handled them until the negative feelings associated with that memory are replaced with confidence.
3) Make Happiness Your Priority in 2017:
Your number priority in life is your happiness. Not the woman you’re dating, not your parents, not your clients- only yours. Your only meaningful barometer of success is how happy you are.
Immediately make a list in order of severity of everything which makes you unhappy. Pick out the top three.
Write down how exactly you are going to tackle them.
a) Being broke and living paycheck to paycheck (or depending on my parents) makes me unhappy.
b) Not having a girlfriend and always watching porn because I’m lonely makes me unhappy
c) Watching the news and visiting social media sites makes me unhappy because the world is so gloomy and everyone on instagram’s life is better than mine.
How I will Tackle them:
a) I will get a job within the next 30days ( if you don’t have one)/ I will learn how to start a side business in the next 30 days.
b) I will talk to 100 girls this month to overcome my fear of women. I will install a porn blocker on my phone/ give $100 to a cause I hate everytime I slip and watch porn.
c) Sell my TV. Delete all my social media accounts unless I use them for business.
4) Quit seeking approval:
If you’ve spent the last few years trying to win the approval and love of someone significant in your life- maybe your dad or mom, its time to stop. You do not NEED approval.
A CHILD needs approval for healthy emotional development. An adult does not.
Lets say someone who is important to you criticizes you harshly. They imply that you are a loser, and worthless. Here are three option you can take that do not involve being childish and falling apart.
a) “Maybe A thinks some of my behavior sucks and doesnt want to be friends with me, but B and C seem pretty cool with me. I’ll just hang with them if A doesn’t like me.”
b) “ O.k, so A,B and C really hate the way I behave/live my life. Personally, I actually like and enjoy my lifestyle. I’d much rather be me than change my ways for them.”
c) “ You know, I think A and B are right about my behavior. I always take and never give back as a friend. However, this doesn’t make a loser or a worthless person-simply a friend who doesn’t give back enough.”
d) “ Maybe B and C see that I really suck at finishing up things I start. I’ll just admit it to them and see if they can help me get better at this. But if they think I am a LOSER because I fall short in this area of my life, they are generalizing about me and I don’t have to take them seriously.”
The point is- criticism sucks, and no one likes it, but as an adult, you have the choice to tolerate it and use it for your own good.
5) Stop Self Destructive Behavior:
This is a big one. I have a client who is going to school for Medicine. He doesn’t want to finish medical school because he claims he hates its and doesn’t like studying long hours. He also feels out of place among his classmates and feels that he isn’t smart enough to be a surgeon. Instead, he wants to quit and start and online business. When I started coaching him, we discovered three things about him:
– He despises his father and mother who forced him to go to medical school and took a high interest loan to do so.
– He has a deep need to be liked by other medical students, but they’re too busy doing their own thing
– He is afraid of becoming a surgeon and having a patient die on him during an operation
His three issues are- Parental, Social and Competence.
The solution to his issues (if he chooses to fix them) is to challenge and dispute his self-destructive beliefs.
A few questions he can ask himself are: “Am I a bad person if I go against my parents wishes and tell them that I don’t want to study medicine?”
“ Why is it SUCH A BIG DEAL if I am not the most popular student in med school or not acknowledged as one of the smartest students? I may not like it, but why makes it SUCH A BIG DEAL?”
Asking yourself these sort of questions will help you overcome the useless anxiety that usually leads to self sabotage.
6) Overcome your fear of Failure:
If you really want to experience misery for the rest of your life, try having the belief that you must be talented in a specific area to succeed. Take me, Chris for instance. I didn’t start QPGG.com for a year because I thought I had to be a GREAT writer to start a blog, GREAT at technical stuff and GREAT at telling stories.
I have a client who doesn’t enjoy sex because he orgasms too quickly, so he always thinks he has to be a stud in bed to enjoy sex.He only feels great when his partner cums first or when he’s able to cum twice during one session.
Feeling that you are only valuable as a person when you accomplish something and that if you are not above average at something else, you are useless is dumb.
NOBODY can be great at EVERYTHING. Being better at one thing ( like making money) does not make you a “better” person. Usually the need to succeed is actually a need to do better than others so that your ego can justify that you are better than THEM.
A perfect example is the guy who fails sexually because he watches too much porn and has PIED (Porn Induced Erectile Dysfunction) , is afraid of getting an STD, is afraid of rejection and so on.
This sort of person will KEEP FAILING because he’s always telling himself “ I always fail because I suck/ an fearful of blah,blah,blah.” Thus he always under performs sexually.
The first step is not NEEDING to be good in bed.
7) Quit Being a Victim:
2017 started off with millions of women marching and being victims. Its a terrible example to set for their children. Being a victim comes from the idea that people should always act fairly and when they are not fair to us, they are evil, bad people who should be punished.
A few years ago, I hired a guy to do some marketing for my company. He claimed to be an “expert”. After spending nearly $24,000 with him over 6 months, I finally realized that he was a scam artist. I gained no increase in business by working with him. He later disappeared with the rest of my money. I was mad for a long time, but ultimately, I learned three things:
a) Feeling bad for making a mistake creates fear of making more mistakes in the future
b) Condemning other people for their actions will in turn cause you to condemn yourself.
c) Taking RESPONSIBILITY for behavior is ok. Blaming yourself is NOT OK and makes you a victim. Responsibility destroys victim hood. Self blame encourages it.
8) Master your emotions:
A man who doesn’t master his emotions is LOST. You master your emotions by first mastering your thinking. The greatest disciple on earth is controlling your thinking
9) Overcome Anxiety:
Anxiety is simply worry too much about what someone else thinks about you. That’s it!
Whether you have anxiety about public speaking, going to a bar with strangers, going on a date, asking a woman for her number, or having sex, its all being overly concerned with the outcome- which usually involves other peoples opinions.
Here are two simple steps to overcome anxiety:
a) Find out whether the situation ACTUALLY involves injury or pain.
b) If it does, do something practical to reduce the danger
c) If there is nothing you can do, accept the pain.
There is NO OTHER WAY of overcoming anxiety.
When I get really anxious, I remind myself that the worst thing that could happen is that I could die. Sooner or later, we’re all going to die, anyway. Lets say you get a fatal disease like cancer of a type which pain medication is not an option. You have two options: live with the pain, or commit suicide.
Most of us will never have experience TRUE suffering that creates level 10 anxiety such as being tortured, being a potential victim of genocide, or part of a tragic natural disaster that kills thousands.
Make overcoming anxiety your priority. If you can’t even ask a woman for her phone number, how the hell are you, as a man going to stand up to an armed assailant hell bent on harming you?
10) Make self discipline a priority:
Some people believe that they can go through life and be happy and fulfilled without facing hards hip or being responsible for themselves. This is a fallacy and one of the things in life I find quite sad. I find it sad, because so many people, when young, avoid hard and unpleasant actions- especially in their twenties and early thirties. Without fail, life ALWAYS comes back to take its pound of flesh later in life.
When you avoid difficult things in life, it has a tendency to exaggerate their discomfort.
The secret of getting the most out of life is: Do difficult things instead of avoiding them.
I say this with a great deal of love, guys: Don’t be the 45 year old or 50 year old emailing me years from now because you avoided the hard stuff early in life.
The toughest part of this? Inertia.
Most men cannot force themselves to be disciplined when the goal is far away and not immediate. Guess what? You can’t motivate a child to persist with a long-term project no matter how beneficial it will be to the child.
If you can;y discipline yourself to do so, you’re still stuck in those childish characteristics.Majority of people walking around are like that- they need a boss to tell them what to day, and the threat of being fired to keep them coming in to work.
11) Accept the things you cannot change:
There are a lot of things in life that you’ll never be able to change. Violence, prejudice, superstition, unfair economics, pollution, sexism, on and on the list goes.
To crush 2017, you must give up the belief that all these issues are terrible because you cannot change them.
-people will keep acting how they’ve always acted regardless of how you feel
-Unfair things which happen to you this year will be MUCH worse when you think “ This is so bad, I can’t stand it”
-Its more important to control your behavior and emotions than it is to get upset about what other people do.
-Even if you thought of a better way to do something which is unfair- chances are your way is probably wrong. Nothing in life is black or white. For instance- no system for governing a nation is 100% effective, neither is NO systems for governing a nation.
-No one and nothing is perfect. Even the most flawless person in your life or that you idolize is disappointingly human when you get to know them.
12) Become Entitled:
Stop putting women on pedestals- especially online. Stop feeding the egos of women who are on social media just for validation. When you meet a woman who claims she is a “princess” or “queen”- leave her. Swipe left. Keep building this habit and eventually, you will condition yourself to seek out only the most emotionally healthy of all women.
You won’t settle for anything less. You will feel as if you deserve the best in women.
Thus, you become entitled.
13) Handle your Depression:
Most depressed people I’ve met believe one thing: When they are frustrated, they must eventually become depressed. I don’t mean this as a conscious belief- its an unconscious process that has become a habit.
All I will say about this topic is this: Make a decision right now to make 2017 the year you increase the level of your tolerance for frustration.
The more frustration you can handle, the less depressed you will be. This goes for 99% of all “depressed” people out there. The remaining actually need medication.
14) Stop being Lazy:
Laziness is a habit. It comes from two places: You childhood habit of rebelling against authority figures and your deep fear of failure.
If you’re thinking “ I don’t have a fear of failure. I want to be successful- I just find it hard to motivate myself.”, then you are EXACTLY the sort of person this applies to.
Deep inside, you have a fear of failure.
The lower your fear of failure, the less motivation you need.
Anyone who needs constant motivation has simply not tackled their fear of failure.
15) Go into recovery for porn or sex addiction:
In 2017, I’m going to be keeping it very real on this site.If you have never gone more than 90 days without watching pornography or masturbating, you are ADDICTED to porn and need to recover.
I’m not talking about the “definition” of addiction because many guys and their irresponsible therapists use that as an excuse to stay in their problem.
This is as simple as it gets:
If you have never gone more than 90 Days without watching pornography or masturbating, you are ADDICTED to porn and need to recover.
If you slipped once and watched porn within those 90 days, you’re still addicted. If you checked out some porn “just to test yourself” – you’re still addicted.
Many men email me asking for help with quitting porn. When I dig deeper, I realize that they actually have an addiction sometimes even a sexual addiction.
As soon as I tell them they have an addiction, they disappear.
It takes GUTS to admit that you have an addiction.
It doesn’t matter whether you are 19 years old or 25 years old.
Porn addiction doesn’t discriminate.
If you’ve never been able to stay off porn for even 30 Days and you’re still like ” No, Chris- its just a bad habit, bro.”, then QuitPornGetGirls.com is probably not for you.
Here is the site that will help you. Its called: WWW.NOFAP.COM
Its a very popular and helpful site for average guys who want to overcome their porn habit. Personally, I think there are many porn addicts there who nofap will never be able to help.
QPGG is for men who struggle or have struggled with porn and sex addiction and are ready to live an above-average life while meeting, dating and having great (not average) relationships with women they want.
16) Stop Getting “Motivated” and forget about your “Purpose”:
Watching motivational videos, attending motivational seminars, reading motivational books and blogs is great. However, the majority of your motivation has to be INTERNAL- not based on some guys “pump you up speech”.
The way to become internally motivated is simple: Take Action.
Action creates momentum and momentum creates results.
Having a purpose is a luxury. The guy cleaning the toilet at the mall for the past 12 years knows that purpose is a luxury.
Its nice to have a purpose. It makes live more exciting… but if you don’t have it, don’t spend your days moping around complaining that you’re unfulfilled because you can’t find your purpose.
17) No one is coming:
Understand that no one is coming to save you. No one is coming to make things right in your life.
No one is coming to help you overcome your bad habits, or teach you how to be successful, or get you your dream woman.
No one is coming to pay your bills, make you a better looking person, or cure your depression, sadness and addiction.
This will teach you to love yourself in a healthy way.
In 2017, your life is in YOUR hands. Especially as a man.
All our relationships- with our parents, kids, partners, lovers and co workers are just human beings trying to make the most of our limited time on this planet. At the end of the day, we came into this world alone and we will leave this world alone.
One of the greatest and most empowering gifts you can give yourself is the acceptance of being alone. You can be with other people fully, to love and to live- but you equally be with yourself and love yourself fully, and be with yourself fully.
Write that down and stick it on your mirror so that you see it every morning.
QuitPornGetGirls.com coaching will teach you how to love yourself as a man.
It will show you how to think for yourself and let go of all the conditioned thinking that was programmed into you from birth.
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