“ Everyone has a plan until he gets punched in the mouth.”
One thing I’ve learned over the years coaching men to quit porn is that most men who have a problem quitting porn also face MASSIVE setbacks in multiple areas in their lives.
Quitting porn becomes more than just an attempt to cut porn out of their lives, but a move to trigger a huge paradigm shift that changes their lives completely. As I stated in my last post- if you spend your twenties building bad habits, homeostasis kicks in,and it becomes almost impossible to escape the mediocre destiny that awaits you.
You have good intentions, but their bad habits and negative programming sabotage them everytime.
Understand this: In your journey to quit porn, getting knocked down along the way is EXPECTED. The failure is not getting back up.
Your state of mind in the journey of transforming your life from average to above-average;from mediocre to excellent should be: “Failure is NOT an option”.
“NO ONE else is going to save you.”
One of the common themes among men who struggle in life is SELF PITY.
When life gets hard, you invite self pity into your home and that gives you an excuse to give up on your goal.
Lets say you’ve set a goal to lose weight and you screw up and overeat during breakfast. You may say: “Now the whole day is screwed up. I might as well snack all morning and have a huge lunch as well.”
That one failed meal can lead to a failed day. That failed day will be on your mind the next morning when you tell yourself:
“ I wasted yesterday, so I might as well waste today”
If you’ve ever tried to lose weight, you know what that means: Your entire dieting plan is over.
You must make your mantra: “ Failure is not an option”.
If you don’t, EVERY single setback in your life will lead you to flirt with quitting.
I have known MANY men like this, and I promise you, that attitude always leads to failure, mediocrity, unhappiness and depression.
When things get hard, this is where you start saying some loser ass shit to yourself like:
“ Maybe what I have is not so bad”. You forget that it was your DISSATISFACTION with that very situation that drove you to your effort.
The one time when your goal seems incredibly out of reach is when you’ve suffered a tough, but momentary defeat.
So if you’ve been in the habit of quitting when you face a set back or defeat, how do you change this?
How To Bounce Back From Defeat
First, learn what the blueprint to permanent failure looks like:
You will doubt your abilities and ignore the confidence that other people have placed in you.
You will become preoccupied on what you could have done differently.
You will then begin to search of smaller goals, or lower your aim because you didnt hit the target the last time.
You’ll start abandoning the good habits you were starting to build. What were some of these good habits
– Thorough Preparation
-Acting with Absolute Commitment
Next, go back to the high standards you set for yourself and the hard work you used to do.
Did you make a decision to stay off pornography for 90 Days?
Did you once decide to drop to 8% body fat and get a six pack?
Did you tell yourself that you would approach 5 random, attractive women a month and get their number?
There is only one way to get through it and its to GET THROUGH IT.
Nip the cycle of defeat in the bud. It must never begin.
Stop being your emotions little bitch.
Use your will power.
And remember- every man who successfully gave up pornography and achieved their goals- goals similar to yours, was exactly where you are right now.
I was there too.
I was addicted to porn, I had tried to quit and I had failed hundreds of times.
I always struggled with women. I felt other guys “got it” and I was just clueless-no matter how many dating and pick up artist books I read, and programs I joined.
I always struggled with money. Even when I had it, I always spent it. I would make a decision to stick to a budget, but I always messed up and over spent.
My life is radically different now.
I have been off pornography for years.
I’ve been in multiple relationships with many women, and I’ve hooked up with my fair or depending on how you see it- my unfair share of women.
My financial house is in order and I have a made a commitment to NEVER be broke whatever passes for “middle class” ever again.
I set high standards and I failed, but I chose to learn from those little failures by transforming them into temporary setbacks.
Its ok to fail. You are going to take a lot of hits and some of them will seem fatal. Some will not be fair.
Thats the way life is. No one promised you a fair fight.
Every set back is temporary. Chase you goals relentlessly.
As Winston Churchhill said:
“Success is not final; failure is not fatal. It is the courage to continue that counts.”
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24 weeks of progressive, step by step recovery material with yours truly (Chris Haven) as your personal recovery coach.
Join a community of men who are kicking porns ass every week.
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