Ahhh, “dry spells”… those long, lonely months filled with porn, frustration, longing and confusion.
Yes, we all experience them from time to time- some or much longer than we care to remember.
During that time, most guys self esteem takes a big hit, and its reflected in the lowered quality of their life.
Here are 10 solid ways to breakout of a dry spell should you find yourself in one:
1) Stop using the term “Dry Spell”:
When you assign the term “dry spell” to this situation, you make it sound like something which “just happens”. The problem with most guys who use the term is that it has a subtle element of self-pity attached to it. After all, we only say “dry spell” when we are describing an unsatisfactory situation to another person.
The term puts you in a position where you run the risk of making it a self-fulfilling prophecy. Ever notice how the more you talk about a dry spell, it gets “dryer”?
This translates into your interactions with women. When you’re out interacting with women, you’ve bought the “dry spell” mindset and internalized it to some degree. You need to “break” the dry spell, which translates into thirst( desperation). Women sense your thirst, it turns them off, and you’re back to square one.
The solution? Accept the fact that our sex lives ebb and flow. Sometimes its abundant, and other times, nothing happens. This is easier said than done, of course, and acceptance only truly comes when you at the very least have tried everything in your power to break out of your situation/
That being said, for the purpose of this post, I’m going to be a hypocrite and use the term “dry spell” to to talk about you know…”dry spell.”
2) Take responsibility for it:
Your dry spell is no ones fault but your own. Its not because your “game sucks”.You’re not getting laid is the result of a wide variety of factors, but can usually be resolved by making a few minor changes.
Its not because of “fate” or “karma”. God did not turn off the vagina tap because you’re 35 years old and not married yet. Neither is it because you turned down that offer for sex from Brittany at work 8 months ago because you though you were in a relationship with Joanne. Turns out Joanne was cheating on you and now you’re single with no options. And Brittany’s sleeping with your boss, Victor.
Quit your pity party- the question isn’t WHY its happening, its WHAT you can do to get out of it.
3) Never Pay for Sex:
Yes, it gets hard- but never so hard that you should pay for sex in order to “break your slump”. Seriously. Its only going to lead to lowered self esteem, less money, and you run the risk of making it a crutch.- which means that next time you’re in a slump- its becomes easier to just avoid taking responsibility by paying for sex.
4) Lower you Standards:
So many guys have a huge false sense of entitlement. Guys who are sexually inexperienced, who have had 3 sexual partners in 30 years of their life are expecting to date top tier women who have limitless options with men. As a result, they turn down women who are already interested in them sexually because “she’ not my type”, or she’s not as attractive as the instagram models you masturbate to.
5) Change your Environment:
Sometimes, you may have great game, be good looking and usually never have a problem getting laid. If you find yourself experiencing a dry spell in this situation, take a close look at your environment.
Bad logistics could be holding you back.
Do you live in a small town? Move out or take trips to larger cities.
Do you work 80 hours a week? Take an evening or two off work to go out and meet women.
Do you live in a culture that finds your ethnicity polarizing? (example, a black man living in China). Consider frequenting social events that have more expats or open minded people.Worst case scenario, reevaluate your lifestyle and decide how important having a consistent sex life is to you.
6) Change your Game:
I remember one of my particularly long dry streaks. It was so long, I feared I may never get laid again. My style of meeting women had been consistent for years, but for some reason, it just wasn’t working anymore. I remember picking up my copy of Rollo Tomassi’s The Rational Male and reading a few chapters.
Those chapters grounded me and took me back to some basics about masculinity.
I went out that evening with the sole purpose of internalizing some of the concepts while having conversations with women and observing social interactions.
I promptly got laid that night.
Stay open minded to different approaches to dating and attracting women. Certain concepts- especially those you read about are internalized by taking ACTION and actually practising what you read-regardless of whether you are skeptical about the concept or not.
Lots of guys read material and dismiss it because they think it wont work.
Go out and apply it- that’s the only true test of someones material.
A lot of marketers write books on “how to get laid” with absolutely no real life experience and bank on the fact that most of the men who buy this material will never put it into action.Worse still, most men will never even read the material.
7) Change your Style:
Look in the mirror. Your dry spell could be a result of something as simple as buying into a fad. Now this fashion fad has expired and you’re still sporting a hairstyle and jacket that belongs in 2001.
Keep you masculine style classic and timeless.
8) Change your Attitude:
The definition of attitude in my book is choosing how you respond to a situation rather than reacting to that situation.
So many men use a dry spell as an excuse to binge on pornography, get back into bad habits like playing video games extensively, or spending time with unproductive acquaintances.
Other reactions to a dry spell include spending a lot of time read “pick up artist” material, wasting time on forums, or binge reading self improvement websites.
An appropriate response to a dry spell is always MASSIVE ACTION.
Action is not reading.(Unless that reading is followed by action, of course)
Action is not “preparing” to take action.
Action is not chatting in forums or telling your friends how you’re going to take action.
Action is taking the shortest, prioritized,most effective, and usually, the roughest route to regaining momentum in your dating life.
Thats the attitude you need. Response in the for of massive action.
9) Embrace Online dating- or the opposite:
These days, its so easy to depend on Tinder for ALL you dates. If you’re not getting anymore matches on Tinder, or OkCupid and you call that a dry spell, you’re a joke! Its only a dry spell if you’re tapping into every possible avenue of meeting women and despite that, you’re not getting laid.
On the other hand, if you’ve never tried online dating,or tried and give up, now is the time to remember those old passwords and join the part again.
10) Get a mentor:
This is a shameless plug for my one on one coaching service . Enrollment ends for 2016 on June 1st, 2016.
Some of your biggest breaks in your relationships will only come to you when you commit getting help from someone who has traveled the road before you. My breakthrough success with women after the lonely years of porn, depression, low self esteem, sexual shame and anxiety came during the year I sought out men who had achieved what I wanted.
I quit spending time reading all their material, and or listening to their stories and straight up asked them for guidance.
Getting a good mentor will easily shave years off your learning curve in any field on endeavor- especially your dating and sex life.
During an extended dry spell, there’s no shame in seeking the help of someone who can guide you in the right direction. It may be the difference between getting back a consistent dating/sex life within a week or spending a few more fruitless months (or years) struggling to figure out whats wrong.
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