Photo Credit: Shutterstock
This article is not intended to be a race baiting post. It will come across as harsh, but my intentions are to help.There is no politically correct pandering in this post. Just the straight up truth based on observation and experience.
There are a ton of generalization in here and that fine because its the only way to make this the most comprehensive and helpful guide of Asian men who want to date in the US.
Small penis, good at math, poor lover in bed/asexual, below average physique, non-masculine…most of us know the stereotypes of Asian men.
I spent three amazing years as an exchange student in Asia when I was in college and over 5 years running a business(in the U.S) where I recruited and trained over 70 Asian sales reps courtesy of some connections I made while in Asia. Most of them were men and due to the nature of my business, the topic of dating and women was brought up often.
While I trained them to become successful at sales, I also coached a few of them on dating Western women. 90% of my sales team were straight from Asia.
Its no secret that Asian men (East Asian) and Black women are the least desirable ethnically in the dating world. Yes, this sounds harsh, but the stats don’t lie:
I’ve met many Asian guys who have amazing success with women, but the majority of them sadly, don’t have any success. The problem is that Asian men cockblock themselves. Really hard.
Some Asian men are only into Asian women- if that you, more power to you. This article will still help you, though.
Others ( a solid majority) are into Western women. Specifically, White women.
Unfortunately, the average white woman does not watch porn with an lead Asian male. She does not look at an Asian man and get the tingles.
Prince Charming is a White Man.
Women are more concerned than men about what their friends think about the men they are dating and the men they hook up with.
Most women will deny this- that’s fine because here’s my first test to any woman who says anything along the lines of “Asian men are just like any other, it depends on the guy, etc.”
Can you quickly name 5 famous white guys you find attractive? Easy.
Can you quickly name 5 famous black guys you find attractive? Pretty easy.
Can you quickly name 5 famous latino guys you find attractive? Not too hard.
Can you quickly name 5 famous asian guys you find attractive? Um… there’s that guy on The Walking Dead.
Lets face it. Things are pretty shit for most Asian guys in the dating world.
There is hope, however:
White girl saying she loves Asian men:
Before I get started on what Asian men can do to date more Western, preferable White women, here are the pros and cons of Asian Men dating in the United States:
1) Asian men buy into what the media and entertainment industry say about them.
2) Asian culture in general does not encourage dating from an early age- even in Asian-American households. As a result, the majority of Asian men grow up lacking basic dating skills.
3) Educated Asian men are in predominantly male-dominated careers such as math and engineering. There isn’t much access to women in these fields.
4) Asian men have less sexual experience than their western counterparts, mainly because sex is a serious taboo in almost all Asian cultures.
5) There is a stigma towards divorcees and women who have had many partners in most Asian cultures- particularly IN Asia.This attitude and mindset subtly infiltrates the dating habits of Asian men in the US. In Asia, most Asian women married to White men are divorcees. A virgin, attractive Asian woman is a prize in Asia. A divorcee is automatically assumed to have some sort of defect.
When you have that attitude towards women- you’re going to find it very challenging to date or get laid in the States.
6) Collectivism Mindset. Collectivism is the practice of giving a group priority over each individual in it. Asian cultures are largely collectivist, which simply means they think and behave as one unit-even when they come to the United States. While this mindset is useful for business and cultural success, it is downright deadly for dating outside of ones race.
Examples of Asian Collectivism are:
*Avoidance of direct confrontation-a tendency to avoid the word “no”. “No” destroys the harmony of a group.
*Working well in groups which will protect you in exchange for loyalty and compliance. As opposed to showing initiative or doing tasks independently.Hence, you are more likely to see Chinese, Vietnamese and Korean entrepreneurs dominating a certain niches by relying on each other.
*The importance of marriage and a family in determining your self esteem. Over 30 and not married? In most cases, you’re a loser in Asian cultures. The pressure to marry and have children is simply to establish a socially acceptable lifestyle and not rock the harmonious collectivist boat.
Conversely, Western cultures are individualistic- personality and uniqueness are highly encouraged.
Travel to Asia and apart from a few areas that cater to expatriates, you will not find White American men overwhelmingly working in one niche(with the exception to “Internet Marketing Lifestyle Entrepreneurs”) or living in one area. The only think they have in common is hooking up with divorced Asian women 🙂
An Individualist culture promotes breaking free of the crowd, being different and encourages the idea that success is possible when you think differently.
7) White women prefer their own race over others. As I stated earlier, Prince Charming is white.
The dominant culture in the United States is the White culture. Biologically, a woman is attracted to the male in the species whom is most likely to be a provider and whose can ensure the survival of her children.
White men, overwhelmingly are the hero’s on TV screens, they are the wealthiest men in this country, they are the leaders and they write the law. Look at the facebook page of any Asian-American woman. Does she have more Asian males friends or more White male friends?
Statistically, the only female race that prefers to date their own race are black women. Every other woman, including Asian women prefer White males:
Photo Credit: OkCupid
Its 2016. More young white women than ever, are willing to give Asian men a chance, despite their preference for white men.
1) Asian men age better. This is a fact. An Asian men with the right genetics can date women in their early 20s well into his 40’s.
Daniel Dae Kim vs Will Ferrell
Byung-hun Lee (Storm Shadow in G.I Joe) 45 years old
2) Asian men try harder in bed. White women whom I’ve spoken to tell me that to combat the negative stereotype of Asian men being bad lovers, Asian men tend to try and compensate sexually by trying harder to please a woman.
3) African American women and Latinas will be more open to dating you. My Asian wingmen who date on OkCupid and Tinder all agree that they get the most love from black women. Black women are the most ignored in the dating pool- by all races of men. Any Asian man willing to be open minded, willing to look past the stereotypes and conditioning, will have some pretty amazing experiences with Black and Latina women.
4) Asian men are highly educated. Enough said. Asian culture highly values education.
5) Asian men have the advantage of a non-mainstream culture. You have the ability to bring women into your world. Most guys can only take women on predictable dates, but you can do much more- the food, culture and experiences you cab expose a woman to are different and exciting. Own your culture and be proud of it.
The cons are stacked solidly against the pros, but fortunately there are a few changes that can be made that will make you overwhelmingly more successful than the average Asian man in the dating game.
There are 7 things Asian men need to get in order before they can have a shot at dating Western women.
1) Let go of your cultural conditioning:
If you came to this country as an immigrant/FOB, this especially applies to you. You were most likely raised in a country where it was considered rude to directly approach a woman and ask her out. Having a reputation for dating lots of women was seriously looked down on.
Dating one woman and eventually marrying her was the acceptable social norm.
If you want to get laid in the United States of America and not pay for it, let go of all your cultural conditioning.
2) Hang out with confident non-Asian men:
Five Asian men walk into a bar in Minneapolis looking to have a few drinks and possibly get laid.
Q:How many of them get laid?
A: None of them.
You’re not doing yourself any favors by hanging out with only Asians. Expand your social circle- you’ll meet more interesting people, have cool experiences and you’ll be more likely to date the all-american girl you desire.
Here’s a tip that only experienced and seasoned wingmen will get:
Asian guy+Black guy wingman combo = Winning. (Insert Rush Hour/Jackie Chan/Chris Tucker joke)
Photo Credit: Shutterstock
An Asian man with a black wingman is a seldom seen sight and two of my close friends use this combination to devastation effect in bars and clubs. Stereotypically, both are unfortunately considered extremes in everything- from material wealth to penis size.
But an asian man and a black man who have their shit together will get more curiosity and attraction than possibly any other wingman combo in a bar.
For those who doubt this, lets pick a different pair of men and a city like Portland, Oregon.
Two black men-regardless of their game, swagger or socio-economic status(unless they are famous) walking into a majority white and hipster bar or brewery will have a hard time leaving with two women because they will be afraid of being perceived a sluts. I didn’t write the rules. I’ve seen it happen multiple times.
Two White men with equal good looks, charm, game and swagger? Way more likely to walk out of there with two White women.
Conclusion: Build a diverse social circle and if you have a wingman, pick one who is a different race than you. Don’t hangout men who cock block you.
3) Change your Accent:
Photo Credit: Shutterstock
Not my precious accent! Yes. In fact, beyond the scope of dating, the only Asian men I have met who have thick accents and are successful in this country are business owners and the incredibly brilliant and talented in their field.
As for dating, I have never in 12 years of business, dating coaching and having numerous Asian wingmen met an Asian man who was very successful in dating white women who had a thick accent.
I trained over 160 Asian men a 5 year period to sell to Americans- in the United States, so listen guys, the moment you open you mouth and that thick accent pours out, you are immediately filed away in the Asian Man Stereotype folder in a womans brain. Everything is triggered- Geek, Small Penis, Fob (fresh off the boat), non-masculine.
Learning how to speak in a Mid-Atlantic or Transatlantic American accent. If you look it up, you’ll usually get examples of old-time actors like Carey Grant and Audrey Hepburn- which is NOT how you want to sound.
Turn on you TV and listen to how Oprah Winfrey and Ryan Seacrest speak. That’s Mid-Atlantic American English.
4) Upgrade Your Style:
This goes back to another stereotype. Although there are many Asian men, who dress well, not enough of them dress edgy. You are already stereotyped as non masculine- dressing in a non masculine or nerdy way definitely does not help.
Whats the solution? I suggest adding abit of EDGE to your style. Maybe you like rocking t-shirts. Cool. Throw a nice blazer(link) over it Utilize a few or all of the changes listed below:
a) A current stylish haircut:
Depends on your look and facial structure, but you can’t go wrong with an sharp undercut in 2016
Not a necessity, but definitely edgy.
c) Add a few inches to your height:
Compared to Caucasian men, who form the majority of males in the West, Asian men are short. You can’t grow any taller, but thankfully there are comfortable stylish options that can help you add up to 3inches to your height.
Calden Shoesheight increasing shows are the best.
This goes without saying. Piercings are straight up edgy.
5) Hit the gym
For asian men, this is the one thing that will make you stand out from all other men. It juxtaposes your physique with your perceived stereotype of being nerdy and emasculated.
(Credit for the juxtaposition theory goes to Chris at goodlookingloser.com)*trigger warning*
Here’s an example of an Asian man who’s physical appearance is the definition of edge:
His and is Randall Pich and he is the founder and CEO of LVFT apparel.
photo credit: Randall Pich
And his girlfriend/fiancee
photo credit: Randall Pich
Check out his instagram . I don’t know him personally, but he’s a hardworking,inspirational guy, great values and seem to have his life together.
6) Get Your Life Together:
Women don’t care about your Aerospace Engineering degree. They care about your lifestyle.
Do you live the way YOU want to live? Is you life exciting and free?
If you’re broke- get your finances in order.
If you’re unhappy or have serious self esteem issues- fix them
If you life revolves around your job- get some hobbies. Learn Salsa, learn a martial art, learn a new language.
If you live in Ponca City, Oklahoma- move.
If your family is guilt tripping you into living a certain way, when you don’t want to, give them the finger.
When you dedicate yourself to creating the life you want, you end up loving yourself more. You become one of the rare men of high value- which is what every woman wants.
7) Learn how to attract women:
As much as it sucks, Asian men are at the bottom of the barrel when it comes to dating in the good ol’ USA.
Your game with women simply has to be better than those of the average good looking white guy.
This means that you have to literally LEARN the skill of dating quality women. You don’t have to become a PUA monkey, but you do have to educate yourself, read a few good books and most importantly, take CONSISTENT action to meet women.
Especially the type of women you want to date
Asian men who have a preference for white women do have control of many factors.
Here are two more videos:
Girl next door dated asian guy
Asian Man Marrying white woman
What are your observations about Asian men dating in the U.S?