The following post is a guest post by QPGG contributor “The Taj”
You’re here. Finally. You are in the land of your dreams. At first glance, everything reminds you of the scenes from your favorite Hollywood movies: the neatly lined houses, the excitement of a new culture, the sparkly English in its various glorious accents, the big shiny buildings and most importantly, the women. I have yet to meet a man from the sub-continent who didn’t spend his first few months in the West completely fixated on the women. You want to talk to them, befriend them and depending on which way your boat rocks, date or sleep with them. There’s just one problem: You have ABSOLUTELY no idea how to go about making yourself attractive to them.
You’re probably wondering what makes me qualified enough to talk on this subject. I consider myself a relatively decent looking man but not a stunner by any stretch. There are no six packs to see here, unless you count the juicy brews in my fridge. Yet, as of today(Dec 18th,2015) I have managed to sleep with over
86, 87, 88 attractive women from around the world and you, my friend, can do it too without being an asshole. Here’s how:
(Fair disclaimer: I’ve touched upon the biggest issues that I’ve helped fellow Indian men overcome. Some may already have figured it all out or don’t fall in any of these categories. More power to you!)
DON’T BE THAT GUY
We all know that guy. We’ve been that guy. Who? The creepy foreign guy. To make matters worse, the chauvinism and slut-shaming runs rampant in your circles. The end result? Look around you. THAT GUY is everywhere! There he is in the club, trying to ‘jean-cock’ a girl by brushing up against her without consent. There he is, slut-shaming and thinking that any woman in the club who is making out with someone is obligated to make out with him. If you are THAT guy, stop right now. It’s time for a change. There’s a reason why most women you meet in the bars are immediately defensive when an Indian guy approaches them. The number of times I’ve heard a girl at the bar say ‘But you’re not like the other Indian (insert any other sub-continental country here) guys I see’ is just way too high. We always start at a disadvantage, thanks to our overly enthusiastic brothers who’ve roamed the bars and clubs before us. Break away from the stereotype!
BUILD A SOCIAL CIRCLE (AND LOSE THE PACK)
Make use of your opportunities here. Join a dance class. Use meetup.com to attend local events. If you’re in college, join a couple of the student clubs (No. Not the All Male Acapella Group). Make it a habit to go out to the bars at least 3 times a week. Start slowly by making light conversation the first few times. Make an effort to gather friends from the host country. Stop spending every waking moment hanging out with people from your own country. Get invited to parties. Join a Yoga class. You would be surprised at your rockstar appeal the minute you walk into a yoga studio.
Why do I say ‘Lose the pack’? Throw in the stereotype from earlier and add a couple more of your brown friends to the mix and you are instantly shooting yourself in the foot.
USE YOUR FOREIGN APPEAL (YES, THERE’S SUCH A THING)
If you’ve watched Russell Peters, you’re probably convinced that the Indian accent is as sexy as the Trump doing a slow strip tease while suggestively tugging at his toupee. I’ve been there, trying to spit mad game but sounding like I’m trying to fix her router over the phone. Work on your modulation and accent. Minimize it but don’t hide it completely. There’s a certain charm to it. Keep some fantastic stories from home in your back-pocket (“I once had a baby elephant as a pet for the summer”). Throw in words from your native language in the conversation. You’ve got something that the majority of men don’t have. You are ethnic. You are exotic. You have the potential to be the most fascinating man she’ll meet that day.
UPDATE YOUR STYLE
OH MY GOD! Stop wearing your hoodie to the bar. Stop wearing it to every goddamn place. The first step to success with women here starts with your appearance. You don’t have to go all-out and suit up all the time. Wear well-fitted, fashionable clothes and nice shoes. If you find yourself wearing your Nike shoes from your Black Friday shopping bounty, please stay home. The ‘stache may be all the rage back home but unless yours is as epic as the Hulk Hogan ‘stache, now would be a good time to lose it.
BE PATIENT; BE PERSISTENT
I spent my first six months in America hitting up the bar and the library six days a week. Most of the days, I’ll just observe. Most of the days, I’ll get shot down. The progress will be painstakingly slow but stick with it. Read up on how to talk to women. Be patient. You are working out of your comfort zone in a foreign land and English is not your native tongue. Don’t expect miracles overnight. Here’s why you should stick with it:
Thanks to better portrayal of Indian men in Hollywood and the boom of yoga, women in the West are more curious and open to the idea of dating/mating an Indian guy.
Exotic! That’s what you are. There may be a million other Indian men over in the West but thanks to the diversity of the country, you can be as exotic as you want to be. Exotic is IN!
Good luck out there!
If you know an Indian man who struggles with dating, share this post with him using the buttons below!