How To Deal With The Shame of Using Porn-Part 2

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In my previous post, we talked about the different factors to lead to shame with regards to our porn use. Today, I outline some powerful ways you can begin to eliminate and keep shame out of your life.

Creating Limits:

Creating limits involves  drawing a line between yourself and anything in the world that has the potential to mess with your integrity. Consider it the process of setting up filters against beliefs, judgments or ideas that could jeopardize your self esteem. To reach this point you must have already come to terms with all the judgments and expectations that you had been freely allowing to impact your life and create shame. Have absolute clarity about where you stand.

Write out every single expectation, judgment, or belief that lead to shame. For each one, write out a positive and empowering belief that replaces it. If you don’t have a positive belief than can replace it, make it a point that you will never let that judgment or belief seep into your life again.

Again, you must develop a ZERO TOLERANCE policy towards anything that has potential to create shame.

At the same time, work hard to avoid personal reactions to these “shaming factors”.

Commitment:

In my book commitment means doing something you said you were going to do long after the feeling and enthusiasm of doing it has passed. In today’s world, commitment is extremely hard to come by. Its not as if most men don’t know how to quit porn or don’t know how to overcome shame. The average QPGG reader is intelligent, well read and has more than a passing interest in self improvement.

The reason why commitment is hard to come by, is because most people commit to over sized goals. If you make a “commitment” to stop watching porn for a year, chances are high that you will fail. That’s simple because your will power is finite and cannot realistically match such a long term goal.

Instead, build your self confidence by committing to goals you can handle.

Commitment also involves responsibility. Lets say you are in a relationship and for the sake of your partner, you choose not to watch pornography any more. You make a commitment, and for one reason or the other, you screw up. Responsibility involves PROMPTLY admitting your mistake in order to respect the commitment made to the relationship. This has the added effect of building your confidence because you know your problem and  will fix it.

Not taking responsibility immediately only adds to your shame.

Vision:

Your vision helps create focus and clarity in your life. A vision should be clear, concise and built on meaning, passion and your abilities.

You should SEE you vision in your head every single day. If it isn’t clear, set aside 20 minutes every morning to sit in a quiet place and visualize where you want to be.

Here’s something interesting to know: You will only achieve your vision by failing. Failure only serves to increase your focus and create more clarity as to where you want to go. Failure is the guidance system on the heat-seeking missile of your vision.

 

Self-Support:

Self support  is being your biggest cheerleader. Its picking yourself up when you fall. Its loving yourself more than anyone else does.

Having powerful affirmations that reinforce your support of yourself is of tremendous value. In tough times, draw upon these affirmations to help you pull through.

Self support is understanding and accepting your limits. Ignoring your limits leads to pride. Pride, unfortunately, will always undermine all your efforts , frequently ending in more shame.

Self support is humility, and checking your ego everyday.

 

Honesty:

Stop lying by omission. Acknowlege your struggles and challenges. Be authentic about your life and its circumstances no matter how fucked up it may be.

If you feel that you life is one big act. An epic movie of lies and deception with you as the main character, put an end to the narrative.  Quite simply, living a pretend life does not work.

 

If you found this post helpful,please share it with other men who may be living in shame with their porn use. This site primarily grows from word of mouth and social media shares- every share is greatly appreciated.

 

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How To Deal With The Shame of Using Porn (Part 1)

  So, you've just masturbated some porn so vile that you swear you'll never do it again. You feel terrible...

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