On the rough and painful path towards becoming better with women, I have been on the giving and receiving end of infidelity. As a recovered porn addict, I come from a place where I cheated on partners as a direct result of my addiction as well as self esteem issues. Relationships become very complicated when you struggle with an addiction.
I have no particular moral stance on the issue of infidelity. In fact, one of my articles which shows a different point of view- the perspective of an “cheater” has generated a tremendous flack simple because it deviates so much from our social conditioning. The motivations for infidelity are numerous and complicated. Now that I am at the opposite end of that dark time in my life, I’ve gained a decent insight into the basic aspects of these motivations.
This is not hearsay. Take it from a man who a few years ago refined infidelity into an art. A majority of the women I hooked up with during the last 4 years of my porn addiction were in relationships- what most of us would call “committed” relationships. From college freshmen to wealthy unhappily married housewives, I did it all via direct approaches during the day, aggressive game in bars at night , Okcupid and Craigslist.
Every man should have a thorough understanding of the female mind and the subject of infidelity. For the majority of us, infidelity is a self esteem crushing, jealousy inducing monster. No one is immune to it and I mean no one. If you are in a relationship right now and you are 100% confident that your woman would never entertain the thought of cheating on you, then I advice you to do two things:
1) Stop reading right now.
2) Pick up the book The Rational Male by Rollo Tomassi and read it cover to cover, then come back to this blog.
I’m no therapist, but from personal experience, I have identified 12 “motivations” for cheating.These could also be “types” of infidelity and “reasons” for infidelity. Contrary to most of my articles on QuitPornGetGirls, this one covers infidelity in both sexes.
1) Online Cheating:
This sort of cheating is most relevant to readers at QuitPornGetGirls. With the easy accessibility of pornography, the relative ease of concealing an addiction and the sheer variety of ways in which dating sites and pornography can overlap, online cheating is the the new frontier of infidelity. My escapades on Tinder have opened my eyes to the sheer scope of infidelity today and let me tell you- its scary. Technology has basically made cheating a streamlined process. I’ve met many women today who thanks to technology, have a SYSTEM in place for cheating on their significant others.
2) Porn and Sex Addiction:
Lack of impulse control and a habit of being completely taken over by emotions when aroused. Porn addiction and its big brother sex addiction are powerful forces which will drive you to pursue your sexual gratification my any means necessary. I’ll never forget the moment I realized I had a serious problem. I remember the rush of finding someone anonymous that wanted to have sex- my caution, fear and arousal bundled into one huge emotional demon which completely took over my mind.I ended up driving miles to a desolate location based off a few nude pictures and texts. It was a setup and I almost lost my life that night. Addiction is a powerful
3) Insecurity and Narcissism:
This was one of my problems and is a common problem in the Game and “Pick Up” community. A constant need to rack up notches and score with women in order to validate your masculinity is guaranteed to follow you into your relationship. A healthier approach is to build up your skills with women while single and achieve certain milestones in your sexual and dating life which will enable you transition into a relationship having fulfilled all your ego driven sexual desires. As I’ve stated before, don’t be the old man still leering at young girls, wishing you had more sex when you were younger.
4) Accidental Cheating:
Accidental cheating occurs when a man or woman is not intending to commit infidelity, but finds themselves in the presence of a skilled player, is intoxicated, is presented with a seemingly once in a lifetime sexual opportunity, or feels sorry for someone.
5) Unhappy Relationship:
Lack of intimacy, extremely promiscuous behavior during their 20s( mostly women) ,unrealistic expectations of marriage,radical feminist beliefs, lack of communication and an unsatisfactory sex life all contribute to infidelity in marriage. While I have never been married, I have had sex with enough married and separated women to vouch for the six reasons above. It takes experience and emotional maturity for men to commit to marriage. For the vast majority of men in Western society today, this level of maturity simple does not come during your twenties. More than likely, you will experience it in 30s, provided you have put in the time with regards to giving up bad habits (porn) as well as meeting and dating women in your 20s.
Cheating which is done in retribution to a partner cheating or withholding something of value.This is most often carried out by women in relationships. Men do it too, but on a much lesser scale simple because most men do not have the skills and access to sex that their female partner has. I’ve seen countless online personals where men explicitly state that they found out that their wife/ gf cheated on them, so they are looking for someone to have sex with to get back at her, so “will someone please have sex with me?” Any man that has this mindset is destined for sexual frustration.
7) Confrontation Avoidance:
In some long term relationships, a partner with a certain personality type is unwilling, or unable to deal with confrontation of any kind. They may resort to infidelity as a means of “dealing” with relationship problems that should be handled head on.
8) Epic Cheating:
What I refer to as “Epic Cheating” is a situation in a long term committed relationship where one partner maintains a concurrent or multiple concurrent relationship for the duration of the main partnership. Sometimes the partner is aware,but merely tolerates it in order to maintain social status or financial well being and sometimes not. Epic cheating can last for the lifetime of a relationship. This was more common in the past when women were almost exclusively dependent on their husbands for their financial survival. A woman back then had no choice but to tolerate the long term presence of a parallel relationship because any resistance could be losing financial and emotional security for herself and for her children.
9) Fear of Intimacy:
This occurs when a man or a woman has a fear of dropping a few walls and opening up emotionally to their partner. Without intimacy, a relationship may continue, but infidelity is almost guaranteed. In this case, a partner uses cheating as a means of keeping intimacy at bay.
10) Existential Issues:
An existential dilemma could cause a person to cheat- either to get to know themselves better, as a result of mental illness, or a fear of growing old/ losing attractiveness.
I’ve observed some of my married business partners indulge in this form of infidelity when they achieved a certain measure of financial success which they didn’t have when they were young and single. In these cases, they believed that wealth would improve their game and success with women.
Unfortunately, they married their college sweetheart, had kids, and focused on increasing their wealth without satisfying their need for experiencing different women, leading to an existential crisis where the reality of their situation turned out to be radically different from what they originally desired.
11) Relationship Escape:
When a partner wants to end a relationship but lacks the courage to confront their significant other, they use infidelity as a means of ending the relationship. Again, this is a technique employed almost exclusively by women, who usually see the end of the relationship a long time before their man has an idea that a shipwreck is imminent.
12) Open Relationships:
This may not necessarily apply as cheating, but some couples have an “open policy” where they are free to have sex with other people- within certain boundaries. The flexibility of this arrangement frequently allows for partners to “stretch” the rules when it suits them.
What other types of infidelity have you experienced?
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