Why You Need To Dream Big


Remember when you first made the big decision to give up porn and make a huge change in your life? That paradigm shift moment when it was “I’m going to beat this or die!” ?

For me, that day is so vivid in my memory. I knew I was going to beat my porn addiction.   Yet, despite my strong desire and affirmation to overcome it, despite my certainty that I would never again watch porn, that very year, I relapsed and went deeper into my porn addiction than I ever had. I had set a goal for a one year period, believing that I could quit watching porn, reprogram my brain and achieve normalcy in that time frame. I went through this frustrating and heartbreaking process several times!

It took me a while to figure out what went wrong. As human beings, we tend to overestimate what we can achieve in a year. However, we grossly underestimate what we are capable of in five years.

I decided to visualize my life 5 years from the day I was going to quit porn. I took into account everything in my life- my career, my friends, my family and my location. Each one of these plays a role in your addiction. For instance, at my job, I was constantly bored with the routine, uninspired by the goals set by my manager and after a long rough day at a job I didn’t really enjoy, I carried that boredom home with me, which eventually lead to porn and masturbation. I lived in a small Midwestern  town- country bars and strip malls.It was very easy to get bored.

Think big. Visualize your life 5 years from now. Where do you want to be? It doesn’t matter whether you are 19 or 49, whether you live with your parents, or your spouse and kids. You only have one life to live and you’re busy ejaculating it away.

In 5 years, I went from 11 consistent years of daily masturbation and porn use to no masturbation and no pornography at all. I quit my well paying job and started my own business, which was the second hardest thing I’ve done in my life after quitting porn.

Within 5 years, I left the small Midwestern town where I spent many unfruitful years,took the leap with a few hundred dollars in my pocket and established myself and my business in two large metropolises. I was scared shitless. I was afraid everyday because I had a voice in my head telling me that “This isn’t you, Chris”, “What if you fail, Chris?” . Worse still, with that voice, came the telltale whispers of porn…that overwhelming urge to reduce the stress by a quick fap session…something to take the edge of living a life of uncertainty.

But I had a vision and every single day, till today, I sit down and write out my vision. I close my eyes and I see myself living the life I want. I express my gratitude for the things I have in my life right now, then I open my eyes and take ACTION all day- till my brain shuts down.

So how do you decide what you want to do and where you want to be in 5 years? Well, I’ll start off with the 5 questions I asked myself.

* I highly recommend taking time out- however long it takes, to sit down and answer these questions for yourself. This is a solo exercise. Don’t ask your family, your friends or your lover their opinion of this.


1) What Do I Enjoy?

Can you enjoy the struggle of achieving the life you want? Your work must be an end in itself- you must genuinely enjoy what you do. Work must be play- a game.The game is what is most important. The game makes life worth living. Find the right game- a game worth playing- a game you enjoy.

2) What Am I good At?

Usually, the very thing we are good at is the thing we enjoy the most. Its not what you have or what you do, but what you do with what you have. Are you infinitely better at motivating people than you are at selling smartphones ? Figure out your talents and maximize them. The moment you focus on the things you are good at, that’s the moment when the floodgates of your potential open and amazing things start to happen.

3) What Do I Want Out Of Life?

WHY do you want something? Your why gives you the desire to push through during the tough times. WHY do you want to quit porn? WHY do you want to be wealthy? WHY do you want to have mad skills with attracting and dating women? To be happy? Well, happiness is is not a goal.Its a by product of living a life of meaning.

4) What Is The Price?

There is always a price to pay for your desires in life. The price can be pain, time and loss of relationships among others. The price can include perpetually dealing with haters who will resent you, try to hold you back and generally keep you uncomfortable for periods of time. The price can be high, but…

5) Am I Willing To Pay the Price?

Are you? Do you want it bad enough? Its easy to answer this question with a yes and be the first to bail at the slightest hint to trouble. To answer this question, you must be willing to be committed to the point of obsession.

Taking the time to answer these questions can have the added effect of introducing magic into your life. Yes, player- MAGIC.

These 5 questions create certainty about the purpose of your life.That certainty leads to you enjoying and being enthusiastic about your life and work, which attracts the attention of other people who have answered the questions in one form or another. You start spending time, building relationships and partnerships with like minded people which attracts success and the more success you experience, the more enthusiastic you become, ad infinitum. Before you know it, you are living the life you visualized. Simplistic? Yes. Simple but certainly not easy.


All it takes answering 5 questions and giving yourself a time frame. So Dream Big, my friend. Dream Big.

Be Happy,

Chris Haven

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  • Sterling

    Wow! Im totally here! Im 28 and i make very good money for someone my age. I have to conjure up motivation on a daily basis to go to work. I’m not happy doing what i do but i love the lifestyle it supports. I keep asking myself “Sterling What would you really enjoy doing with your time here on earth?” It seems to be an elusive answer. If i were to be honest i would probably say being a bum appeals to me. Riding mountain bikes, hiking, learning and reading books, traveling, giving value to the lives of other people, meeting smart beautiful girls. I took an aptitude test and I’m told social work would appeal to me but i have a business degree and social work doesn’t pay worth a shit. Its good you were able to push through the pain barrier. Im not there yet. I’m reading the book that you recommended “Attract women with honesty” and so far its a very good read and apples to a lot more than girls. I have a feeling that “inviting vulnerability into my life” is going to take me miles further than i would go by staying comfortable. Keep Living and keep writing. Cheers!

    • Good for you Sterling 🙂 When I asked myself what I enjoyed- “being a bum” was the first thought that came to mind, but trust me- when you find your purpose,everything come together.
      Yes, Mark Manson’s book is great ! I’m reading it again this month.

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