Man vs. Woman

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Hi Chris. After reading your “6 Reasons To Cheat On Your Girlfriend”, I couldn’t help but click on your name to read your bio. In it you say, “I … teach [men] how to build meaningful relationships with women.” I’m genuinely curious about how you can claim to do this, while purporting that it’s okay to cheat when you’re in a relationship (because obviously we’re not talking casual dating here). You clearly state that some women want sexual and emotional relationships with men, as two people who are exclusive to one another, whereas men want to sleep with as many attractive women as possible (it’s science, right?). So when you say “meaningful relationships”, do you actually mean “fulfilling relationships”, from a man’s perspective? I try not to write off anyone’s claims without fully attempting to understand them. Could you clarify this point?

-Erin

 

Erin,

Thanks for reaching out and trying to understand. I usually never answer mail unless it is from men struggling with their porn use. I’m responding, because one of the things we do at QuitpornGetgirls.com is challenge societal norms that we take at face value, and this is a good opportunity to respond to a question that I am asked too often. Its almost amusing that readers on ThoughtCatalog react so strongly to my article. For all they know, I could be a happily married man.

To answer your question directly, yes, when I say “meaningful relationship”, I mean fulfilling both men and women’s needs- mostly men. That is one of the purposes of QuitPornGetGirls.  An ideal fulfilling relationship from a mans perspective is vastly different from a fulfilling relationship from a woman’s perspective.

Fulfilling relationship for man: Sex with as many beautiful women as possible (preferably at the same time) and emotional companionship with one woman, permanently or temporarily (usually the woman he finds most desirable)

Fulfilling relationship for woman: Access to a high status and wealthy man who will fulfill her sexual and material desires exclusively.Basically, he’ll have sex with and provide for only one woman.

How do men and women coexist when their needs are so different? Its simple; each goes for what satisfies them. Thankfully, society is designed in such a way that there will always be women who find men that will be “faithful” to them exclusively. There will always be men who will have sex with as many desirable women as possible and vice versa. And there will be men and women who get the best of both worlds.

There are no “rules”- only the rules of nature and men and women’s conscious choices. It is up to every man and woman to choose the sort of relationship that they find fulfilling and meaningful. One of the things I do is help men determine what is “meaningful” to them. I’m not interested in society’s take on this subject. My only concern is creating a happy and fulfilling life for men. If that means breaking a few social norms, then so be it.

Men and Women are human beings who have evolved with different needs. Biology dictates that men seek numerous partners (due to high testosterone, the need to pass on their genetic code etc) and that women seek a steady partner (protection, childbearing, access to wealth, etc). That’s biology.

We have advanced beyond those basic biological needs. Women, thanks to contraception can enjoy sex without risk of childbirth(good for women, by the way-its about time!). Women can work and earn their own money and even support their own children and protect themselves. Women, don’t really need men. However, their basic biological needs have not disappeared.

Men on the other hand, do not need to pass on their genetic code (there is less risk of sudden death while hunting or fighting with another tribe) and have access to pornography to expend their need to have sex with many women thanks to high testosterone. Their biological needs have not disappeared either.

“Cheating”, which was acceptable years ago (and wasn’t labelled “cheating”) has become taboo because it lacks integrity, its hurts people, and so on-forgetting that historically, it was accepted. Married women did not throw fits centuries ago when their wealthy husbands had mistresses or before that, concubines. Man’s nature was accepted and society made room for it.

Its women’s turn now, mainly thanks to liberal feminism and contraception . Women can have as much sex as they want, claim that being in pornography is liberating and choose to never get married. However, for both men and women-what is the cause?

When these biological needs are ignored completely, dysfunctions arise. For instance, men are increasingly becoming addicted to pornography and women are increasingly approaching middle age single and unfulfilled.

Men and women have vastly different needs, but society has dictated that all their needs to keep up with changes in civilization. To keep up with women’s rights, contraception and so on. Whether it was religion, women or insecure men who have limited access to women,it matter not.What is clear is that whichever group created this was a sizeable and influential demographic. This group, (which I’ll just call “society” because it is a concepts that so widely accepted) created “cheating” with its negative connotation.Men and women bought into it unquestioningly, because to challenge it means delving into some primal emotions like jealousy and insecurity which we’d much rather ignore.

Society’s solution to these changes in civilization are not necessarily effective. The divorce rate grows exponentially ( interestingly enough,everyone has a problem with cheating,but not many have a problem with breaking marriage vows). If my article was titled “6 reasons why you should divorce your husband”, it wouldn’t generate as much criticism. Men and women today don’t even know what a fulfilling relationship is.

Women and men have to understand their basic natures and accept them first, before they can enter relationships with each other. Men have to embrace their nature to spread their seed and women have to embrace their need to settle down exclusively with one man. Both have to acknowledge the role an advancing society has played in affection their natural instincts and deal with the negative side effects.

 

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