* I have a message for all the men out there addicted to pornography. In this post, you will not find porn to be one of the reasons to “cheat” on your girlfriend. Despite my contrarian views on relationships, I stand firm in my position that if your addiction to porn caused you to stray in a relationship, then none of these reasons apply to you. You owe it to YOURSELF to get your porn addiction handled. Start by getting a copy of Quit Porn In 30 Days.
“He cheated on me !”. The very sentence elicits derision, disgust and a twinge of accusation. Blogs and Facebook groups with followers in the hundreds of thousands exist to condemn the cheating man . The man who dared stray. Before we begin, this is an article about men cheating. Specifically why men should cheat. Women’s infidelity is a totally different story. Yes, women cheat, however the brunt of accusations are borne by men. Men should not be ashamed of this. In fact, we should embrace it, understand it and in the process, accept our nature rather than let the agenda of some women and society keep us ignorant and oftentimes, unfulfilled and deeply troubled in monogamous relationships.
There is only one reason, in my book why a man should not cheat- and that is an awareness of the pain you would cause another being and a personal moral responsibility to avoid it. Unfortunately, most men( and women) choose sex over moral responsibility.
This title of this article also includes the term “girlfriend”. Not wife. Simply because, in 2014, if you cheat on your wife, she will by law, take half of your shit. So tongue in cheek, if you’re going to cheat and you live in North America, do it while you haven’t put a ring on it.
Despite the fact that you could lose half of everything you own and your children, men will still stray. Yes, this post will generate its fair share of haters- I welcome it. The emotional scars of broken trust are often raw ,often aggravated and sometimes takes years to heal. Women reading this may think “Yes-its true, but MY man doesn’t cheat.” Keep fooling yourself. Statistically, he probably does.
Men need to understand the concept of cheating thoroughly. Men want to have sex with as many attractive women as possible and women want, ultimately, have a man committed to her emotionally and sexually, excluding all other women. Biology dictates both wants and society enforces and enables both sexes to achieve these wants.
When I mention “women” in this article, I do not necessarily include “modern women”. That is, women who are financially independent and do not have nor feel the need to depend on men for anything. I’ll be first to admit that our society is rapidly changing and a lot of this article will be generalities. Generalities, but ultimately, the undeniable truth.
It is your responsibility as a man to clearly define your values and principals in your relationships with women. Its not your parents, your religion, society, or a woman’s responsibility. You decide and you create the ideal relationship or relationships for you. For, the curious, yes I’ve “cheated” plenty.
1) Its in your nature as a man:
A healthy male produces billions and billion of sperm each time he ejaculates. He recovers within a few minutes to an hour and is again ready to produce billions of sperm. Women produce one or two eggs at a time and are only able to get pregnant mostly through middle age. Most men can produce healthy sperm till the day their heart stops beating. No biological clock for males. Biology naturally dictates that he impregnate as many healthy females as possible.
Thousands of years ago, man spread his seed freely, without the spectre of “cheating” hovering over him. Its what nature intended.
There are different types of men out there- men who accept this fact and have sex with as many women as possible, men who cannot have sex with as many women as they desire due to a lack of skill, resources or other setbacks and finally, men who have the ability to have sex with as many women as they desire, but choose to form a strong emotional bond with one and remain monogamous and married. They “choose”…or do they? Some of men in the last category have no choice but to get married. They’ve remained monogamous for so long that they either fear that they cannot find another woman as attractive as the one they have, they just don’t have the drive to go out and find women they find sexually attractive.
2) Your game will improve:
In general, whenever you consistently approach women with the intent of having sex with them and push your comfort zone, your skills with women will improve.
There are three things you will learn from cheating. The first is that most women you are having sex with outside of your relationship, as long as they are not emotionally attached to you, do not particularly care about your relationship status. The only people who truly care, are your girlfriend and her friends.
Secondly, the better you get at it, the less remorse you will have. This is critical to understand your nature as man. You will either accept this remorseless persona or reject it. Either way, its a metamorphosis that defines your worldview, which coincidentally has a lot to do with your success in attracting the opposite sex.
Thirdly, you will be astounded by the number of women who cheat. This is a realization that can be arrived at simply by having sex with a lot of women, but it takes on a specific lustre when you have sex with a woman who is employing the very same clandestine and evasive skills that you use in your current relationship to hide your trysts.
3) Your girlfriend already “cheated” on you:
Women have certain needs to be filled in relationships. They require a man who will be a protector, provider and companion. In the modern world, this mostly means financial security. Case in point, most women would have a problem dating a janitor or a guy who works at a fast food restaurant. Most men don’t have this problem, if she’s attractive.
Your girlfriend who would never “cheat” on you already has someone lined up the minute she feel the stability of the relationship is in danger. Like a monkey, she will not let go of one branch, till she firmly grasps another. I don’t blame her. Its her nature. That male “friend” that she’s been hanging out with lately and calling after you both get into a fight? He could very well be the next branch. Most times, however, you’ll be oblivious to this fact.
This isn’t a reason to cheat, but don’t take it for granted that she hasn’t cheated on you. There’s trust and then there’s nature-where “moral”rules do not apply.
I long ceased to be surprised at the the number of women I hooked up with who were in “complicated” situations with their boyfriends. Or the number who texted their man right after orgasm.
4) You can get away with it:
Men cheat because we can get a way with it. There’s an assumption out there that a woman always knows when you are “straying”. Its my suspicion that this is propagated by women, men who have been “caught” and white knights. There are numerous married men whose tales of infidelity and numerous children outside of his relationship came to light only when they were six feet under.
Getting away with it does not always mean that she is not aware of your so called infidelity. It also means that she could know, but chooses no to accept that reality to insulate her from the negative emotions that would inevitably arise as a result. In other words, ask no questions, get told no lies.
We’ve all seen the scenario where a woman remains with a man who often has sex with other women. We wonder, why does she do it? We speculate- “Perhaps she’s damaged, or has some issues.” Its about time we start speculating: “Perhaps its in her nature to accept a man who follows this particular biological instinct.” Perhaps, despite how uncomfortable she may feel about his actions, it validates her choice of being with a dominant man.”
5) It could improve your relationship:
Blasphemy! Cheating could improve your relationship? Yes it could, and the truth is that it often does. Right now there are thousands of happy couples walking around enjoying the fruits of a fulfilling long term relationship thanks to that one dalliance on a business trip six months ago. Whether guilt drove you to take your relationship more seriously, or you destroyed your insecurity by proving that you still have what it takes to attract and have sex with another woman, it fixed the problem. That is the bottomline.
Many will argue that the mature way to improve your relationship is to communicate openly, honestly and with integrity. To deeply evaluate if needs of both individuals are being met emotionally or sexually. Perhaps even to seek counseling or mutually agree to temporarily try an open relationship. Trust being the key- for if trust is lost, there is nothing left. All this is true.
However, I’m here to tell you that all of the above will NOT work for all relationships and in some cases will derail it even further. Sometimes you just need to find out for yourself if something sexual outside of the relationship can fix something “emotional” inside the relationship. Contrary to what most therapists, psychologists and “experts” (of whom you know NOTHING of their personal lives) might tell you, this approach does work depending on the circumstances.
Men who have casual sex without emotional attachment outside of their relationships, in addition to improving their understanding of women, may even find out that the main reason they were unhappy in their current relationship was because they weren’t satisfied with their sex life. Maybe nature is telling you that monogamy is just not for you. You figure that out by cheating. Back to reason number 1-sometimes, when you do what nature intended, everything turns out alright.
6) You will truly learn how to live on the edge:
Cheating and sexual promiscuity has its inherent risks. The risk of STD’s, unwanted pregnancies,vengeful boyfriends, private detectives and in this day and age- false rape accusations and of course, getting caught. It requires a certain level of skill and either one big lie or a numerous little ones. The latter will get you caught, the former will let you have your cake and eat it too. Navigating these risks requires one of four traits:
a) A strong commitment you beliefs about relationships.
b) A strong addiction to sex. (get help)
c) An acutely risk-taking personality. (learn to mange it, or get help)
d) Sociopath tendencies.(get help)
Whichever of the four you possess, you will have to develop a hyper awareness that you otherwise would never have had. You being to determine which kind of women are bad news/ damaged. You learn the true meaning of “consent”, so you don’t end up in jail for a very long time. You learn to always rotate the password on your phone, privacy apps, using cash, limiting the use of your camera, clearing your history, getting tested regularly, and having a consistent story among others.
As I write this, I’m reminded of a story told to me while I was in a relationship by a lady I was hooking up with who, coincidentally had a boyfriend .
She was comparing “privacy” phone apps (apps that can hide your pictures and videos,etc) among three girlfriends. Two were at the time, cheating on their boyfriends and one was not and had apparently, never done so.
As soon as there was a lull in the chattering between the three “cheaters”, the lady who allegedly never cheated asked them “Wouldn’t your lives be so much more peaceful if you didn’t have to deal with all of…this?”.
The answer to that question is: “No.”
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