The following two part blog series is a guest post by Craig Perra of FeedTheRightWolf.org. Craig is a Porn Addiction Coach and certified Porn Asskicker.
I’m Porn Addiction Coach Craig and I’m fired up to be here on QuitPornGetGirls.com!
Before I drop some life changing porn elimination techniques on you, I want to share something about me since this is my first post on QuitPornGetGirls. I want you to know that I know what you are going though. I was a porn junkie too – I almost ruined my life with porn and my “sex” was a mess. My life was a disaster on the inside despite being perceived as a successful executive, attorney, coach, and community leader on the outside. I was a mediocre father and a crappy husband.
This was unacceptable and had to change and change fast. I took action . . . I started intensive sessions with living “sex addict” legend George Collins (best selling author on sex and porn addiction), I read everything I possibly could about the subject, and ultimately I saved my marriage and family. George saw something special in me so he hired me to coach his executive clients, run retreats for them at luxurious resorts, and lead his telephone group calls with my good friend and coach Kevin Behan (Kevin’s got a deep spiritual side and has taught me a lot – check him out).
Since I already lost a six-figure executive job, I was thrilled to be earning a living helping others on their journey. I found my calling – men were waking up and waking up fast after they implemented my techniques (grounded in proven scientific modalities) and heard my story. It was incredible going from a corporate attorney and executive to a life coach helping men wake up from their porn slumber to embrace the life they’ve always dreamed about, from an almost ruined marriage to coaching couples with my awesome wife, Michelle, and partnering with her on what is now one of the most popular sex and porn addiction podcasts on the web for couples, called Sex Addictions and Afflictions. I’m now coaching men and couples all over the world to get their lives back as the official coach of feedtherightwolf.org one of the most trafficked and popular get off porn sites on the internet. Wow! How’s that for a transition?????
I know what compulsion is like, I know mediocrity and under achievement. It sucks and I want to help YOU get your life back. Life’s too short brother for anything less, so please pay attention. You can do this!
In this two part blog series I’m going to teach you about the addiction cycle and how you can use it to disrupt your porn use in a big way. You are then going to learn a very simple and powerful change inducing technique that is almost laughable at how easy it is . . . and powerful. This blog article alone will help you make positive choices – choices that will enhance your life instead of ruining it with porn, loneliness, isolation and insecurity.
The first thing I’m going to teach you today is the addiction cycle. This is critical because we are going to use your knowledge of the addiction cycle to be conscious of what was previously perceived as unconscious. Learning the addiction cycle will help you become quickly aware of what’s going on inside your mind and body when you are triggered to watch porn – to escape, to run away, to disconnect. You are literally going to learn to watch yourself as you spiral down the porn rabbit-hole – or not. . . As you will learn, it’s your choice. It always has been and it always will be. Here we are going to learn to embrace this power of choice by using the addiction cycle to monitor our behavior and choices.
Here’s a quick summary of the addiction cycle to get you started. Essentially, the addiction cycle has three critical phases (I covered this in detail in a free webinar I did if you want more info – you can check it out here). The three phases that I want you to memorize, burn into your eyes, memorialize, use to become wise, internalize and never deny, is:
This is so important, I want you to read them again: repeat after me . . . Trigger; Thought; Action.
Let’s break them down one by one: First up is the Trigger – POW! this is when the body experiences an immediate, almost instantaneous, negative energy shift; often in response to something sexually stimulating or something bad happening.
Second, immediately following the Trigger, “fast, fast, fast”, is the Thought. The Thoughts come in two forms – sexually objectifying thoughts, and self deprecating ones. You know self deprecating Thoughts right? “I’m not good enough,” . . . “I’m a failure,” . . . “this article sucks and so do I,” . . . “I’m a loser” and on and on and on. Which thoughts are you hearing now? Just pay attention to the thoughts, without judging them and if you are serious about this you can write down what you’re thinking (writing things down is critical in your journey to sexual sanity).
Third and finally, after the Thought comes Action – this is where you take Action to advance your addiction like fire up the computer or start planning your porn bender – click, click, click. We need to stop harmful Actions and start taking positive one’s. How you ask? You do this by taking actions that slow down each phase of the addiction cycle, thereby creating space between each phase – space to take positive action and make positive choices.
Let me explain. In early recovery, you pass through the addiction cycle in lightening speed – it feels like nanoseconds. It’s one big blur. You need to slow this process down and create space between each phase to gain time and presence of mind to take the right action. We need space. Here’s a quote I love from Holocaust Survivor Viktor Frankl that illustrates my point perfectly –
“Between stimulus and response, there is a space. In that space is our power to choose our response. In our response lies our growth and our freedom.”
Exercise: So if you want space, space to make great choices, then accept my challenge. I challenge you to track and write down as many of your Triggers, Thoughts, and Actions that you experience for 7 days. Pay extra careful attention to the Thoughts – focus on these and try to be compulsive about writing them down. You dig? I want you to become acutely aware of what’s going on inside your body and mind so you can create space to choose. Report your finding here in the comment section.
In the next post I’m going to teach you how to combine a simple and powerful technique with the porn addiction cycle that can change your life if you let it. Till then, start tracking . . .