Tried giving up porn on several occasions and failed miserably each time? Your memories of past failures might be to blame.
Buried in your unconscious mind are numerous memories of past failures. The time you went for a long stretch without using porn or masturbating, then gave in to the temptation. The time when your porn addiction led you to perform a sexual act you regretted, or that one time when your spouse found out, again that you were still hooked on porn and hiding it from her.
When you are in the process of quitting porn, you do not have to dig out all your past painful and unpleasant experiences related to your pornography use. Quitting requires self discipline which is a skill. All skills are learned through a process of trial and error-by trying, failing, remembering why and how you failed, then trying again till you achieve your desired goal. This pattern is retained and brought up again if you are ever faced with an addictive problem in the future.
Understand that your failures or negative experiences with quitting porn do not inhibit, but contribute to the quitting process, as long as the lessons you learn from each failure are are used to move you towards your ultimate goal.
However, it is crucial that as soon as you have learned a lesson from a failure,for instance, realizing that watching “R” rated scenes in a movie trigger you to watch porn and masturbate, you consciously forget the fact that your relapsed and watched porn and focus on the positive lesson.
FORGET: Watching a steamy scene in an “R” rated movie on Saturday night unexpectedly triggered me. As a result I watched porn and masturbated.
REMEMBER: Watching sex scenes in R rated movies is one of my triggers. I will be extremely diligent when watching such movies or refrain from watching such movies for some time.
This may sound simplistic, as triggers vary from person to person. The point remains that the error must be purposely forgotten and the lesson should be retained. Even if the memory remains, it causes no harm as long as your attention and thoughts are focused on the positive goal: diligence while watching R rated movies, or giving them up for a period of time.
Your screw-ups, mistakes ,failures, embarrassments and humiliations are necessary steps in the learning process. They are meant to be a means to an end, not an end in themselves. If you continuously dwell on your relapses, feel guilty and beat yourself up over them, you unconsciously make that failure the new goal which is then held in focus by your mind.
Some of the most miserable men in the world are those who constantly relive their failures and beat themselves up over them again and again, caught in a cycle of self chastisement.
Memories of past failures in quitting porn can adversely affect your current efforts to eradicate your porn use. If you keep thinking about your past failures and conclude “Well, I still watched porn even after three months of staying away from it-therefore, I will fail again if I try to quit for two weeks.”, you’ve made a wrong and unfortunate conclusion. If you are victimized, it is by your own conscious decision and not by anything beyond your control. It is the conscious, rational part of your mind that draws conclusions and selects the goals that you choose to focus on.
The moment you change your mind and stop giving power to the past, the past with its mistakes loses power over you.
Image Credits: myamericanconfessions.blogspot.com