If you were to google the phrase “mistakes men make in relationships”, you’ll get a plethora of USELESS advice written by either women, men who have only been in one relationship or nice guys who have never bloodied their noses in the death ring of a doomed relationship.
You’ll read BS such as “Not telling a woman how much you appreciate her” and “Being too possessive” . Here are some tips I actually learned from the trenches-as in trenches of multiple failed relationships.Whether you’re married or living in sin, these mistakes are sure to reduce the quality of your relationship and more often than not, lead to a break up.
1) Not being willing to leave the relationship:
You are not in a relationship for your interests alone. You are in for the interests and needs of the woman you are with as well. The barometer of a relationship is how fulfilled and happy both of you are. When the relationship isn’t providing fulfillment and happiness to either party, someone has to walk or restructure it for the good of both. That task falls to you, as a man.
The only way to have a correct physiology to walk away from a relationship is to have other women interested in you while you are still in a relationship.
This does not mean being sexual, or romantically attached to another woman. It simply involves having an abundance of women in your life, and knowing that there will always be options for you should your current relationship not work out. When you are confident in your masculinity and your ability to date almost any woman you desire, you become truly willing to walk away from any relationship. You also, quite naturally begin to make decisions that are in the best interests of the woman you are with.
2) Not providing value to a woman:
There is only one thing that gives you the power to define your relationship. It is the level of happiness your woman experiences within her relationship with you. A woman must must have the most fun and must be happiest with you. If she ever becomes unhappy, the blame will inevitably find its way back to you, courtesy of her close girlfriends, friendzone guy friends and her family.
There are two steps in providing value to your woman. The first is caring about her more than you care about the relationship. The second is being a positive influence in her life. By positive influence, I mean you have to help a woman grow and improve her life. If the relationship ever ends, she has to come out a better and more mature person than she was before she met you. By providing value, you open the doors to her helping you grow in turn.
3) Not asking for value from a woman:
Most seemingly stable relations come to an end because you get bored in some way. You have to demand value and ask for the things you want in a relationship in order to stay interested. There is nothing wrong with defining your perfect relationship with a woman. It is a natural, normal and caring thing to do. There is only one caveat to this: you must start to ask for more early in your relationship.
There is an art to asking more from women in a relationship. You never ask directly, rather you catch your women doing things you enjoy and derive value from and compliment them on it, even if she rarely does it. For instance, if you enjoy your women fit and lean, tell her:
“ I just love it when you get back from the gym looking so fit and healthy-I find it so sexy. It makes me feel so much better being with a fit person.”
Finally, never ever be critical with her when she is wrong.Never. Instead, make it a rule to keep your mouth shut when she’s wrong and praise her when she gets things right(as in things you like). This habit creates a positive vibe and is much more effective in the long run.
4) Not taking 100% responsibility for the relationship:
Ahhhh…this is where a lot of us slip. When you take full responsibility for the relationship, you become a much more dedicated and objective partner in addition to being ahead of the game. If a major issue crops up in her life, it is your responsibility to take care of it. Emphasis is on the word major. Petty issues in her life should be handled by her, but anything that might threaten the relationship should be swiftly dealt with.
You must also understand your woman much better than she understands herself. This allows you to anticipate anything that might compromise the happiness and fulfillment of either of you.
5) Not keeping your skills with women sharp:
If you stop flirting with other women completely when you enter a relationship, you greatly reduce your value as a man. You masculinity loses its freshness and eventually rots, till you become one of those mediocre, bumbling sitcom husbands, a la King of Queens.
Always have three to five women that are attracted to you in your social circle. Women you can harmlessly flirt with. In the event that your woman sees you flirting with other women, invite her in and say “This is my wife/girlfriend.” This demonstrates to the women that you are a catch and demonstrates to your girl that you’re an attractive stud.
6) Threatening the relationship:
The moment you threaten a relationship, you have planted a negative seed that will bear a fruit sometime in the future.
“I’m really getting tired you you talking to me like that. If you do that one more time, we’re through.”
Statements like that are the kiss of death for any relationship. They lead to a negative spiral, where each partner tries to protect themselves from the threat,till one attacks first and end the relationship. All because of one threat that was most likely exaggerated.
One tip to avoiding this spiral is always using positive language such as:
“I enjoy relationships that…”
as opposed to:
“I don’t really like relationships that…”
7) Letting your guard down:
Whenever your woman brings a problem to you that you were unaware of at some level, you just screwed up. You must man up and fix all issues before she is even aware that a problem exists.
A classic example is if you are married and two of your wife’s best friends get divorced. What does this tell you? If your brain is not on red alert , with alarms going off all over the place, then you have a serious problem. Your wife may not see anything wrong with it at the time, but I can guarantee you the thought of divorce will cross her mind soon. Her best friends undoubtedly wield some influence over her, and continued time in their company will her her questioning her happiness with you. Before you know it, you’ll be sobbing alone in your queen size bed while she takes half your stuff and bounces. If you have kids, you can kiss the next two decades goodbye.
Yes. Its that big a deal. Don’t get comfortable.
These mistake are made by men who just got into relationships and I’ve seen men well up in age (seventies) make these mistakes as well. Learn to avoid these pitfalls and enjoy the fruits on a awesome, drama free relationship.