My head thumped heavily in time with my pulse as blood rushed into it. I could feel the surge of adrenaline course through my body, as my hand shook, nearly dropping the phone it held. The text read “I’d only be coming to see you, baby”. I read through the text a few more times trying to make sense of it and push back the crushing feeling which was slowly overwhelming me.
“My girl…getting texts from this guy…she said he was just a friend…why is the tone intimate?…is it intimate? Then why would he call her “baby”….Maybe she’s already slept with him! Oh God-what if they’ve been fucking right under my nose??”
My mind was processing at breakneck speed, trying to decipher that one line. Behind me, a dark green-eyed spectre lurked…Jealousy.
Nothing will destroy you relationship, short or long term ,with a woman quicker that jealousy. Similarly, few things will turn you off a woman like jealousy and the clingy traits it bring out in her.
There are numerous ways to deal with jealousy, but through trial and error(many relationships wrecked), I’ve come up with three mindsets to eliminate jealousy. In my humble opinion, they are the most powerful mindsets a man can possess to curb the effects of jealousy permanently.
Mindset # 1:
Whatever fear I focus on the most, eventually becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy:
Basically, if you constantly worry that the woman you are dating will sleep with her co-worker Kevin, who is single, sooo nice and has lunch with her everyday, well, she probably will. Why? Well, by constantly worrying about it, you will inevitably let something slip about your concern and insecurity. Insecurity in a relationships breeds resentment in a woman. She will not understand why you are so worried about her platonic relationship with Kevin, who’s just a friend, and if you persist in your insecurity, she will be driven to confide in seek comfort with whom else? Kevin, her good friend, of course!
Whether Kevin wants to bang her or not is irrelevant. The truth is, if Kevin is a straight guy and your girl is attractive, he will probably have sex with her if he gets the opportunity. Your insecurity provides him with this window of opportunity which he will gladly stick his penis in. The only thing that is truly relevant is your fear of loss and inferiority. You should always strive to conquer your fear of losing anything significant to you, especially the feeling that some random guy is trying to get with your girl.
Mindset # 2
“ If my woman ever dumps me for another guy, I’m getting the better end of the deal”
Your woman leaving you is more often than not, a good thing. There are three sub mind-sets to this:
I) You probably weren’t satisfying her in a way the new guy she is with can,so in the long term, you two are not compatible. The new guy could have more resources than you, be better looking, funnier, or a combination of all three and more. Either way, he had what satisfied her and you didn’t. Better to find out earlier than later.
II) If your woman broke your trust to the point to leaving with another guy, or sleeping with another guy, then she definitely isn’t good long term material and she weeded herself out of your long-term prospects.Better safe than sorry.
III) You have fantastic relationship with your woman.You both feel its meant to be and she’s the special woman you’ve always dreamed about. You can barely believe your luck. The gods smiled upon you. She’s your rock. Your angel. The queen of your heart. Then some random guy she meets while on vacation in Spain seduces her and steals he away from you. You’re devastated and can’t believe how months and years of building a relationship can be blown to hell in one weekend by the hurricane of this guys mojo. Solution? Find the man and learn from him. If there is a man out there who can steal your woman away from you seemingly effortlessly, you want to have what he has.
“Women are NEVER scarce for men.”
Unless you live in rural China. If not, realize that there are millions of attractive women all over the world. As a man, your value increases as you get older, become wiser and develop success in more areas of your life. You become high value and high quality as time progresses. Here is an exercise for you:
“ Imagine that somewhere in the world there is a woman…a woman whom you’ve never laid eyes on except in your imagination. She is beautiful, with a wonderful heart and a smile so stunning, it hurts your heart just being in its path. Now, imagine that she loves you. She loves you deeply and she’s waiting for you. She misses you terribly and shes thinking of you RIGHT NOW, and you know it. Believe it with everything you’ve got,for a few moments….”
Now, close your eyes and go through that scenario one more time, in detail.
Such a woman does exist somewhere in the world. You just haven’t met her yet. Your imagination is powerful, but its not powerful enough to conjure up the depth of another’s feelings for you. This imaginary woman loves you more than your mind can comprehend. You just have to make it a reality.
Bonus Mindset !:
“Every moment I am jealous, I plant the seeds of my own destruction.“
Never, ever express your jealousy. Words or actions, they are a seed planted in the fertile soil of your relationship and they will eventually bear bitter fruit at some point. Learn to live confidently with other men paying attention to your girl. She will know she is with a high status man, who doesn’t need to express insecurity. Other men will realize that your mindset is rock solid and you have a mentality of abundance with women. They will respect you. Men,in general do not sleep with the women of other men they respect.
Apply these mindsets to your life or you might wake up one Monday morning to turn off your girls phone alarm and find a text from her co-worker Kevin, reminding her that she left her earrings at his apartment on Saturday night.